I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
