The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize