you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
