Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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