i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
