You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
