i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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