Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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