I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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