i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
