just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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