i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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