Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize