don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
