...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
