If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
