Just mADE A PArabola og urine
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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