Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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