I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
