My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
