no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
