dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
