I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
