I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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