the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
