Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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