Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
