Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
