i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize