Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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