some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
