Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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