why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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