yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
