i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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