we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
