A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize