Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
