she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
