she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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