he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
