we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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