I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
