some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Mom said you looked used
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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