As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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