I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
