We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
