Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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