Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
As shirtless as possible
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
