great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
