I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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