I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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