Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
