I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
