i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
