Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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