Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize