I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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