he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
