I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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