oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
