I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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