It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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