It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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