does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
