about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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