problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
