Plan B is the new Plan A
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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