It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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