You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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