one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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