i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
