I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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