the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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