you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
try to milk me bitch
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