I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
