I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
