I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
