I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
