big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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