I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
