Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
