Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
