Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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