Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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