she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
