I wanna bring you to show and tell
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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