I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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