my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
