So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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