Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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