You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
