We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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