so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it hurts more in the daytime
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
