thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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