my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You can't motorboat a personality
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
