Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
